Marieke van Vugt
The blocking power of words
Not sure what to expect. I head to the first meeting of Unblocked Project in the Grand Theatre in Groningen. We start by talking for about 2 hours about who I am, what I do, how I feel about my body. It is a fascinating discussion with lots of deep issues. We talk about the sometimes harsh criticisms you can receive as a scientist, but also as a dancer. We really find out that there are three pieces of "me": there is a scientist-I, there is a ballerina-I, and there is a Buddhist-I. Sometimes they have trouble connecting. A question becomes: can we have them talk through movement? Edan asks me to just move from the impulses of the body, the way all his LAMA classes start. That's easy--I do that all the time in my living room. The difficult part comes when he asks me to speak out everything in my mind, and to move my body to the intonation and the rhythm of the words. I am blocked! My mind seems empty, I am not sure what to do. I tell lots of silly stories but it feels very artificial and very strange. After this difficult phase, we spend some time talking about this. Is my mind really empty? Or am I censuring myself?Edan asks a very interesting question: what do you think of in ballet class? I tell him I think about the movements I am supposed to be making, about the muscles I am trying to feel, previous corrections, the music, and sometimes also "am I good enough?", or other self-criticisms and comparisons to the other dancers. He is quite surprised when I tell him this, because I previously told him that ballet is a place where I feel free and joyful. And that is also true--I guess just sometimes my self-critical mind creeps in there... The good news is that after this, Edan finds a way to unblock my movement, by having me use not my spoken-out thoughts as a source of movement but rather sounds or non-sense words. I have no problems whatsoever with that, and it feels very liberating--maybe even extra liberating after all the previous struggles. Edan and Francesca tell me they suddenly see a lot of creativity in the movement I produce than before. Interesting! I am curious what will happen next…
Finding the flow...
The second session of Unblocked we started with reflecting on what we did last time and what had happened in-between the sessions. Interestingly, we found that we had all been suffering from quite a bit of stress. And where did this stress come from? We found it had a lot to do with creating too many and unrealistic expectations of ourselves. If you are able to let go of some of that, knowing that you just do your best, and that actually part of what happens is beyond your control, then there is much more space in the situation. That actually reminds me of how my Buddhist teacher Sogyal Rinpoche says that humor is creating space where there is none. Humor is a great way to reduce stress. We actually did manage to spend quite a lot of time laughing, so that is good.The theme of the movement we did this time resonated this idea of finding space and fluidity in your body. Anyone who has seen me dance knows that I can be very tense, especially when I am really doing my best and try to incorporate all the corrections in my ballet exercises. Edan taught me (actually us, Francesca also came along for the ride, which was fun) about how we can move from a different intention, more in line with the natural mechanics of the body, and how this makes everything so much easier. It reminds me of something that the Buddhist teacher Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel recently put on Facebook: It’s the resistance that makes things difficult. In line with this idea, Edan mentioned that actually, if you do not resist the fall, then you land much more softly. Yet, being afraid to fall, especially in a metaphorical sense, is what tends to block me a lot in life.Another thing I learnt from the movement, apart from finding ease (which in itself is very helpful to apply to my life, when I get stressed, as well), was stillness. Interestingly, when I brought my attention to the source of the movement and when I stopped trying too hard, I found a tremendous quiet. It is probably quite similar to the experience I am used to in my meditation that when you just let all your thoughts settle, then the mind becomes naturally clear, like a glass of muddy water. I am curious whether we'll be able to bring this experience into the installation so the visitors can feel it as well.